What Expectation?

You expect the person you are with to respect, protect, love, and understand you.

Most of us hold on to this idea that relationships should be perfect…drama free just lovey dovely all the time.

So boring!

That Disney, lala land syndrome, that we all at some point in our lives have been warned about.

The truth is that the blind, honest reality of love, is at times very messy and complicated. Even when our prince swoons us with charm and the princess of your dreams, as easy going as Cinderella, still that perfectness of love that we all dream about just does not exist.

The naked truth is that we all live and battle with our own imperfectness on different levels and with that, we each as individuals bring both negatives and positives to that one table. The ultimate test of love will be learning how best to sort out all the differences we may have with each other and learn how to accept people for who they are. Only then can we begin to embrace life and love in its purest forms and live the best way possible, in mutual understanding and harmony with each other.

While most of us live with the “fascination of creating to achieve” the perfect relationship no matter what it takes, whether it be by watching, reading, or obsessing with other people’s lives, this notion that other people’s relationships are perfect except for yours, can be so exhausting and far from the truth and our reality!

There are no perfect relationships!

The closest perfection to any relationship, is learning to accept and understanding the different personalities at play. When two people decide to come together in partnership, we have to understand that there will always be differences of opinion, differences in personalities etc. What we like our partner might not and vice versa but what ultimately makes that difference much more tolerable, is how we love, respect each other and the compromises we will ultimately make to accommodate our significant others happiness.

Always remember that every relationship is unique and beautiful in its own way. Each will come with its own magical of moments… when we make the decision to pay close enough attention to embrace and nurture whatever is right there in front of you, only then will we be able to see and feel, what is the coolest and closest feeling to love’s perfection. It is in these gentlest of moments, there you will feel that special and deliberate power that will give meaning to the very creation of what will be in its individual self, our perfect love.

We each have that one personal story that has shaped for us the definition of love and how easily it can be misstated to us if we are not careful. For me, I learnt about this Lala land syndrome, when I was old enough to understand pain and guilt through my mother’s failed marriage. The one she emotionally, physically and mentally surrendered who she was in the pursuit of finding and feeling loved.

My mum exhausted her inner being catering and taking care of this man and their children, yet without a conscience it was so easy for him to betray her, as she watched him walk away holding to the hem of her best friend's lustful skirt, then to watch her turnaround time and time again, welcome him back whenever he decided to return. She lived her years holding on to all the burnt-out torches of that fantasy world syndrome she believed in. A relationship and marriage, that allowed her to blame herself for all his broken parts, yet she lived day after day, still yearning for this lost love.

I can still remember all her wasted memories as she held on to pictures of this once upon love and the many tear-filled nights, I as a young girl had to listen too as she cried herself to sleep. Gosh, I was yay young and that impression of this tainted love, left me reassuring myself as a very young girl, never to be like my mother in what I thought then was true love. I knew, at whatever moment I fully understood life and what love should be, that I would never give myself the permission to love the way that she loved for I never wanted to feel that shamed, for the years that I would waste!

So many pathetic years, watching how someone could so easily mishandle the true meaning of love and the sincerity of a good-hearted person, paved for me, both the realness and awareness of what love can be and the heights of what should be expected and accepted on our journey to find love in its most sincere and blissful form!

No matter what or where we are in that process, we should always remember to never put ourselves in a position to feel desperate enough to hold on to a love or someone that’s already done and gone. Exhausting and eventually agitating our inner being to give another person's selfish ego a reason to soar… yes, we should never allow anyone to put us in a position where we are willing to negotiate on our own mental wellness to boost or cater to anyone’s selfish ego.

I believe that true love begins, when you learn to find and give yourself permission to protect and love the real YOU at any cost necessary and that starts by learning to be aligned and present with who and what your inner being really is. Believe that no love, whether it be forced or stolen will ever be good enough to give us that feeling we all so naively and mistakenly think we can find in someone else. Learning how best to accept and love ourselves for who we are, will allow us to be more transparent, vulnerable, and submissive not only to ourselves but also to our partners. Yes, we can agree to disagree that we all need our significant others to be strong when we feel weak and never with the intention of transforming us or them into what our ego demands. Always remember that…

No one or nothing is worth our value or sanity.

Life is noticeably short… so remember to take time and sit in stillness and ponder on our own individual truths, to find our God given strengths that we can be an enrichment to another life. I honestly believe that the art of allowing oneself to be open, accepting and to love another soul or be loved, is what will be the closest feeling to love’s perfection! That warmth in our hearts without hesitation, when we are entangled in love with someone else, no questions, no apologies, no reservations … that’s what I think this thing called Love, is all about.